Sun 11 Oct 2026 • Polly Shute
Does Coming Out get easier?
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Forty women, one weekend in the Peaks, and why support for queer women isn't good enough
Eighteen years ago, I came out. I remember how nervous I was, and that was telling friends and family I'd known for years. This weekend I sat in a circle with more than 40 women who had found the courage to come out later in life, and to share their stories with a room full of strangers.
We did not pick the Out & Wild & Late Bloomers Weekender date to coincide with National Coming Out Day. We just wanted a weekend in October. But it resonated.
Over 40 women joined the first Out & Wild and Late Bloomers Weekender. We gathered at a beautiful private venue in the lower Peaks for a weekend of workshops, gentle movement and honest conversation. Everyone there had one thing in common; they had come out, or begun living openly, later in life.
The weekend was co-hosted with Tracy, co-founder of Late Bloomers UK. Tracy left her own marriage just three years ago, and her passion for this community, and her drive to support the people in it, shines through in everything she does.
People arrived for hot drinks, cake and a warm welcome. We always start our Weekenders gently. Friday is about meeting each other, settling in and setting intentions in a meeting circle, something we do at every Out & Wild Weekender. You can share just your name, or as much of your story as you want to. There's no pressure either way.
The Stories we Heard
Many of the women I spoke to had known they were queer from an early age, just as I had. But coming out was something they'd had to think about very consciously. So many of their stories followed a similar path, marrying/being with a man because they wanted children, and it felt like the only way to have them. When they did come out, it usually meant leaving a partner and navigating painful conversations with family at the same time, as well as the financial pressures of splitting up.
Others, like me, did not have children, but still struggled navigating being gay.
The one feeling they all shared was being alone and unsupported.
"Ten years ago, when I ended my marriage, it was difficult. I reached out to a large local LGBTQ charity, but there was no help and no resources. There is still so little available now, which is why I came to this event."
One woman had booked just two weeks earlier. She grew up in a Christian community where the message was "pray away the gay", and she had struggled for years. When we split into small groups on Saturday to share our stories, she began by saying, "I can't find the words."
But she did, and told me it was the first time she had talked about it.
From strangers to a tribe
The loveliest part of the weekend was watching a group of strangers become something much closer to friends. Small groups gathered to chat. There was an impromptu salsa lesson and a very busy sauna hour. And mealtimes, as always, were where the best conversations happened. I'm a big believer that people open up when they break bread together.
The weekend took me straight back to being young and knowing I was a lesbian. The fear of being different. Dating men and doing whatever I thought would help me fit in. Having nobody to talk to about how I felt, especially once I started my own coming out journey over 18 years ago. It’s why I set up Out & Wild 6 years ago.
The support still isn't there
What struck me most is that, a lifetime later, the support still isn't there for LGBTQ+ women and non-binary people, and especially not for those coming out later in life.
Out of curiosity, I asked the internet what dedicated support exists.
It told me it couldn't find a UK charity focused solely on women coming out as lesbian later in life, and that support mostly comes from general LGBTQ+ services and groups for over-50s.
That's not good enough. And we need support earlier.
Why I do this
Running Out & Wild is hard sometimes, ask any female founder, how the odds are stacked against us.
But weekends like this remind me exactly why I started it. I set it up for the woman I was in my late thirties, and even in my twenties, who couldn't find her tribe, or a safe, supportive space to talk about what she was feeling. I know that's also why Tracy set up Late Bloomers UK.
At Out & Wild Festival, we design the long weekend so people connect through shared experiences: not just shared activities, but shared identities. This year our Meeting Circles brought together communities including late bloomers, neurodivergent people, people from the global majority and bisexual attendees amongst others.
Our Weekenders, CampOUTs and day retreats have grown out of the festival. We launched our first Family Friendly CampOut in August and it will be back for 2027. The Weekenders are smaller, more focused residentials, often run in collaboration with community leaders like Tracy. We have run walking, relationship, writing, craft and wellness events and have more coming up in the next year. See what's coming up HERE
What's next
We are very excited for our new home for Out & Wild, in Ardingly, Sussex. My team of volunteers are already working to bring the very best experiences for our audience of 1500 attendees. I am proud that we won Gaydio’s Event of the Year and are long listed at the UK’s Festival Awards in December.
Later this year, we will be moving our non-festival events into a not-for-profit. This will let us secure funding, work alongside community leaders and other LGBTQ+ charities, and bring many more queer women and non-binary people together, just like we did this weekend.
I can promise you one thing. I will make sure there is better support for queer women and non-binary people, and that the coming out journey gets easier for whoever comes next.
So, does it get easier? Not always. But Out & Wild will be there to support you, as a festival and through our year round events.
You can find more about Out & Wild HERE
You can apply to join Late Bloomers UK HERE
